Viva La Drabbles
by Behind These Mako Eyes
Summary: Viva La Bam. Bam's life after Alex was born. Implied mpreg, implied slash, language and baby drama.
1. Splurge One

"Grandma!" The toddler screamed, racing up to the blond woman. "Grandma Ape!" Bam warily followed the two year old, hauling the bag of nessessities with him. Alex really had too much energy. He was dropping the boy off before going to shoot that day for Jackass. April insisted Alex be dropped off, that Jackass was way too much for his impressionable eyes.

"Hey Ape..." Bam yawned, smiling tiredly as April scooped the boy up and kissed him all over the face. Alex loved Grandma Ape.

"Morning Bam," she replied, smiling at her son. "Did he eat before he got here?"

"No," he replied, following them inside. Alex reached for Bam seconds after the bag was set down and the skater held him on his hip. "I gotta go soon, buddy."

"Bito's not here?"

"No, he's at home." Alex pouted and took Bam's face in his hands, trying to jiggle his chin(or lack thereof). The man laughed softly. Alex loved his great Uncle Vito, merely for his fat and that lazy eye. He was fascinated by obese people, Bam had learned over these two years.

"Papa's here," Ape suggested, bringing the bag with her as she led them both into the kitchen. "When he wakes up, he'll play with you."

Alex giggled happily, one hand playing with the curls at the back of Bam's head. He loved hair too. Bam wondered if all toddlers loved hair. He shrugged inwardly.

"Will you be good for Grandma Ape?" Bam asked as he set the boy down. He half hoped that he'd terrorize her, but also hoped he'd just eat, sleep and tucker himself out for a nap when he got home.

"No," Alex smiled, "no, no, no, no!" He almost sang. Bam placed a kiss on his forehead and made his leave.

He could hope.

X

"You fucking moron!" Bam screamed at Ryan, "my fucking son is in there now!"

Ryan had nominated himself to take Alex home after their party, but threw a few back before leaving. He'd slid on the black ice going ten over the limit and the car had been smashed.

Dunn only held his face-and bloody nose-in his hands as he sat in the waiting room. Bam paced around, waiting for news about his five year-old pride and joy.

"Mr. Margera?" A nurse called into the waiting room, "you can come see your son, if you like." Bam hopped up to the opportunity and followed the woman down the hall and a few rooms to the left. She opened the door and let him in.

"Daddy?" Alex's voice was small and strained, tubes running all over him. Bam's heart broke as he took in the sight.

Two tubes with dried blood were coming from Alex's mouth, his hair had been shaven around a newly-sewn gash along the side of his head. His lip was split and both eyes were darkened, almost like shiners. Bruises littered the boy's bared arms and little nicks weren't forgotten.

"Hey buddy," Bam choked out, bringing a chair up beside the boy's bed. "How're you feeling?"

"Like Jarppi after the building exploded!" He said as enthusiastically as he could. Bam smiled a little.

"Oh yeah?"

"Two thumbs up!" Alex held up one thumb, the other curled over to create the illusion of Jarppi's missing thumb. He let his arms go lax after a few seconds, taking in a few deep breaths.

He only sat up in there until Alex fell asleep in the middle of some shpeal about the science of farts. He'd been watching some stupid, kid-friendly thing with Raab the other day and wanted to tell Bam about how long it took a fart to be smelt once dealt.

Bam let out a long sigh, rubbing his hand through his hair before getting up to tell everyone the good news.

X

"I don't want him," Ethan said, holding out his and Bam's son, "set him up for adoption or something, I really don't care."

"But he's our kid, Ethan," Bam argued, gently taking the fragile bundle of blue. "You're his father."

"That may be, but I don't want this kid or this commitment."

"Then you should have thought of that before we had sex," Bam snapped, "I can't take care of Alex all by myself."

"Then give him away."

That was one of the last conversations Bam had had with Ethan. That was about a month ago and Ethan had left, moving away somewhere far from responsibility. Bam had been taking care of his newborn son for two months now and it was one of the worst nightmares.

Alex had cholic and would cease any moments of silence with a high-pitched wail or the bubbling of a sob or a flat cry. Bam secured sleep on occassion, when his mother would take Alex for two-hour car rides to soothe him.

At the moment, Bam was craddling the tiny boy in his arms and swaying him slowly. It was two thirty-nine in the morning and he was deffinately tired. Raab, Dico, Knoxville and Dunn were coming over to help with Alex and meet him and drop off gifts and whatnot. Bam's babyshower gifts were diminishing as he put them to good use.

As he came back from the thought pattern, he realized Alex's wails were slowly diminishing, quieting. He stared down at the blue eyes looking back at him, disbeliefe in his expression. Alex gave a smile as he proceeded to empty himself in the fresh diaper. Bam groaned in response, carrying him to the changing table.

Alex did not cry after that, falling asleep part-way through the diaper change. The grown Margera stifled a laugh, going to set the baby down in his crib.

As he turned to leave, he changed his mind and brought Alex back to his bed. A little seperation was huge to Bam now.

The pair of them slept fitfully for the first night since Alex came home.


	2. Splurge Two

"Mom," Bam whined, "I miss him."

"You dropped him off an hour ago."

"But I can't call and see if he's okay every half hour!"

"You knew preschool would come soon enough," Phil said knowingly, "he's fine, Bam."

He sighed unhappily, staring at the clock. It was only nine twenty-two. Two and a half more hours before he could go pick up Alex. This was agonizing for Bam and it was only day one.

"Why don't we take him to DQ or something," Dunn suggested, "the kid loves that stuff, he could eat three large cups."

"He's sixteen, Ryan," Bam sighed, "I don't know what the hell to do for his birthday."

"A concert," April said, "his favorite band is comming around, you know."

"Uhm, CKY?"

"No," she sighed, "Kill Hannah."

"Fagband." Ryan snipped in.

"Buy him concert tickets."

"Who's he going with?" Bam elbowed Dunn in the ribs as he questioned April.

"His boyfriend, maybe?"

"My son has a boyfriend?"

"What's he supposed to do for Mother's day?" Knoxville asked as he bounced the little boy on his knee lightly. Alex was currently nomming on some plastic toy his bouncer had bought him. It was just some brightly colored little cube, sterile enough for him to gum at it and drool on.

"Shit," Bam mumbled, "I don't know. Technically, I'm his mother, but I don't want to confuse him." He made a face at the baby, getting a shriek of laughter. Johnny laughed too, using his thumb to wipe a trail of drool off the boy's chin, then wiped it on Bam's pants.

"We'll find out later," Johnny suggested, wincing and looking down at Alex. Alex gave him a gummy smile and screamed happily, forgetting the toy as he was lifted into the air. "Did you just make a stinky on Uncle Johnny?"

"Did he really?" Bam laughed, "this kid's my hero."

Knoxville stuck his tongue out, "atleast he didn't puke on me, like he did to Steve-O!"

"He started puking right after that!" The two laughed for a while, Alex stared at his mother dumbly.

"I wonder if he'll be like Rocky II or something."

"Oh God," Bam groaned, "when I was pregnant with him, I definately thought he was Rocky or something."

"You're like that french soccer guy, the one that headbutt the guy in that big game!" Johnny exclaimed to Alex, ticking the baby. He screamed with glee and kicked his chubby little feet in retaliation.

"I'm Alex Margera and this is extreme pond fishing," the teen said, leaping off the cherry picker to plummet into the deep pond that had formed as a sort of off-shoot from the lake nearby.

He flailed his arm, the other trying to keep his snorkel in place as his top half was dipped into the water and yanked back up by a bungee cord. He'd lost the snorkel, but was clenching a fist full of seaweed and another had a fish flopping in it.

Bam and the gang cheered and laughed and, quite comically, Ehren got the fish chucked at him. Hilariously, right in the family jewels.

Alex made it back to the group, swiping his bleached hair out of his face andplacing the clump of seaweed in his hair.

"Well, I got paid well for the fish," he announced, "bought myself a snazzy toupe`."

"That's my boy," Bam laughed, ruffling his seaweedy head.

"What's the meaning of this?" Bam snapped, pointing at a used condom he'd picked up off the ground. (Using a pencil or something so he wouldn't touch it, of course.)

Alex's lined baby blues seemed brighter and wider as he stared at his parent. He could have sworn he'd gotten rid of the evidence.

"I uhm," he started, "I dunno, dad."

"Just..." Bam growled quietly, calming himself briefly, "girl or guy?"

"Uhm..."

"Girl or guy, top or bottom, Alex."

"Guy, bottom."

"Just be careful."

Bam left the room with a long sigh.

Please, don't let him be pregnant.


End file.
